does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
