Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
