Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
