i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
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