i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
