Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
