there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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