call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
