My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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