....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
