He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
