I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything