I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.