i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.