sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
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just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
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Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning