I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
