yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
