Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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