dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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