My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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