I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
