Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
