So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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