Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
