i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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