So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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