We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
