I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
