after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
