Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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