I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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