Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
