just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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