I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
