another moral hangover. fuck.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
