Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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