My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
