i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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