I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Did we literally take a cab across the street
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
