you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
