i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We need to rekindle our bromance
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
