He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
