So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
