Already got asked if we're dating
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
