i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
