I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize