It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
