Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize