i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
