Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
