Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
