omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
