hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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