she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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