uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
