Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
