I wish I could teleport
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
