just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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