There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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