Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
