it wasn't lemon gatorade
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
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I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
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My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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