I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
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marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
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Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life