The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Floor bacon is actually really good