How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
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I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
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I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.