I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She liked it
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?