Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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