woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
