My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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