Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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