I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
