We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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