I must be too annoying 4 u.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
