there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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