so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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