i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
